I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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