That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
