You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
