I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she pinky promised me she was 18
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
