i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
