I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm passing your future prison.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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