so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
