I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
