Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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