Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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