remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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