Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
