how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
