i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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