batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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