i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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