Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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