i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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