Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
