At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize