i think my tv is drunk
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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