how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
