There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
