like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
