I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
