We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
