had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
