Fuck appropriateness.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
