so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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