i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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