if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
