Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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