I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Randomize
