Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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