I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
