Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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