found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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