just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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