is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
