I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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