were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
