The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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