Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
