I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
vagina is talking i cant
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
