I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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