Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
