My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
