you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
