you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
