dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
