i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm getting married
To pizza
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
