If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
