battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
