I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
