i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
