How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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