Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
