batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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