This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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