What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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