Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
