would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
