How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
