Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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