look no pants
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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