so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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