also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was born a porn star she said
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
