i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
