Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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