your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
