you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
