dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
