I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
